


Sometimes You Don't Need to Say Anything at All (and Sometimes You Do)

by mrsfrisby



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Angst and Humor, Bad Jokes, F/M, First Kiss, First Love, Force Bond (Star Wars), Friendship/Love, I'm Bad At Titles, Jedi, M/M, Mind Control Aftermath & Recovery, Post-Star Wars: The Force Awakens, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-21
Updated: 2016-01-21
Packaged: 2018-05-15 06:16:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 5,995
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5774596
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mrsfrisby/pseuds/mrsfrisby
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ben Solo is living on the Resistance base--and sticking to himself until Finn decides to befriend him. But is Rey really ready to have Ben be a part of her group of friends?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Not Afraid

**Author's Note:**

> Rey knows how ill at ease he is—how much he wishes he could be somewhere else. Anywhere else. He only stays here because of his mother. Well, and because of her. There’s no way around that fact, as complicated as it makes her life. From the very first moment they got into each other’s heads—first he forced his way into hers and then she into his—she could feel his attraction to her. But then it wasn’t just attraction anymore. It grew to be affection. He cares about her. And because of that, he avoids her.

Rey can feel him enter the mess hall even before she sees him. This is the way with them. They’ve been in each other’s heads too many times for her not to feel not just his presence but his thoughts.

Rey knows how ill at ease he is—how much he wishes he could be somewhere else. Anywhere else. He only stays here because of his mother. Well, and because of Rey. There’s no way around that fact, as complicated as it makes her life. From the very first moment they got into each other’s heads—first he forced his way into hers and then she into his—she could feel his attraction to her. But then it wasn’t just attraction anymore. It grew to be affection. He cares about her. And because of that, he stays. But he also avoids her.

She watches him, sitting alone in the corner wearing the same dark colors he wears almost every day. The loneliness radiates off of him in waves. He wishes that he could fit in. He has no idea how to, though, even with his own mother. Too much has happened, he tells himself. 

How could she ever truly forgive him? How could anyone?

But his presence isn’t all she can feel in the mess hall. There’s a cloud of tension enveloping her two best friends as they make their way to her table. Tension between them is so rare that she looks up in confusion as they sit down across from her.

“Does he make you feel uncomfortable?” Finn asks, nodding toward the young man in black. “Are you afraid having him around?”

She smiles at him, doing all that she can to ease the concern written across his face. Finn was her first friend and her best, and she doesn’t want him to worry about her. 

“No,” she answers, quite simply—and not just to put Finn at ease. She genuinely isn’t afraid of him.

Finn turns to Poe. “See?” he says. “I told you.”

Poe shakes his head and then slips his hand over Finn’s. “Even if Rey’s not afraid…” he pauses and looks at her. “You’re not, right?”

Rey smiles and nods at him, trying to put him at ease as well. She knows it’s not really her that he’s worried about—it’s Finn.

“Okay, so she’s not,” Poe continues. “But that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t be afraid of him. Finn, think about who he is.” There’s a pleading tone to his voice. He loves Finn so much—he would do, quite literally, anything to protect him.

“I do,” Finn says earnestly. “I think about it all the time. He’s like me—he’s an outsider. When I first woke up in medbay, I had you to look out for me. Who does he have?”

“The general?” Poe hazards, but even he isn’t convinced.

“The general loves him no matter what,” Finn says. “But she can’t force people to accept him. That can only come from us.”

Poe’s eyes are shining, and Rey knows why. She feels it, too. Finn has a heart so large, so open, that it can’t help but affect people this way. She admires Poe for his skills as a pilot and for his bravery. She’s grateful for the friendship he’s offered her. But she loves him because of the way he loves Finn. Poe doesn’t need the Force to appreciate that Finn shines like gold in a world that’s mostly a dull, leaden color.

“Would you mind if I ask him to come and eat with us?” Finn says to her, for once taking her completely off guard.

“Oh…no,” she says. “Of course not.” Finn misses the faltering in her voice, but Poe doesn’t. He gives her a penetrating glance that she feels rather than sees.

“Then I’m going to do it,” Finn says, rising from his chair. He touches Poe’s cheek gently. “It’s the right thing to do, Poe. We can help him.”

She watches with Poe as Finn walks purposefully to the corner table and stands in front of the solitary figure there. She smiles as she feels the mix of emotions coming from that corner of the mess hall—the fear, the resolve, the shock, the confusion. The hope.

He turns to her across the room, a question in his eyes, and she knows that his answer depends on her. He’ll come to join them—or not—based entirely on what she wants him to do. Without saying a word, she gives him her answer. He turns back to Finn and nods. Finn can’t hide his surprise—or his happiness—that this little plan of his worked out.

Every eye of every Resistance soldier in the room is on them—the former stormtrooper and the former Knight of Ren—as they walk together across the mess hall.

“There’s no one in the universe like him,” she says to Poe.

“I know,” Poe replies, his eyes shining again.

Then he turns to look at her. “You sure you’re okay with this?” he asks. “If you feel at all unsafe around him….”

She shakes her head again. “I don’t, Poe. I promise,” she assures him. “Time and again, he could have hurt me and didn’t. He never even wanted to.” She pauses and watches as they approach the table she and Poe are sitting at. “I’m more worried that it’s going to be hard for you.”

“He almost killed Finn,” Poe says.

“He didn’t do anything good to you either,” she reminds him in a quiet voice.

Poe nods but doesn’t say anything. He couldn’t even if he wanted to, because they’re here—pulling up chairs and sitting down. Finn next to Poe, as always. 

And next to her, the lone other Jedi in the room.

“Rey,” he says in that low, gravelly voice of his.

“Hello, Ben.”


	2. Dance with Me?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey convinces Ben to come to a party on the base...but then she has to deal with Ben at a party with her on the base.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ben holds out his hand, and she takes it. For all of the closeness of their bonded minds, she’s rarely ever touched him. He doesn’t seem like he knows what to do with her hand once he has it, but after some fidgeting, he weaves their fingers together and holds on tighter.
> 
> “I’m not sure I want this,” she whispers into his mind.
> 
> “I know,” he says out loud. “There’s no possible way you can be as sure about it as I am, Rey.

Spending time with Ben Solo when other people are around is like performing an intricate dance. They have to carefully hide that they always know what the other is thinking—that they’re even aware of the fact that they both know the other can read their thoughts.

It’s exhausting.

Ben knows that she worries about him hurting Finn and Poe again. He knows how carefully Finn treads around him, not wanting to rock the tiny, shaky boat that is their friendship. He knows how much anger Poe still harbors toward him. 

When they’re with Finn and Poe, things are strained and awkward. When they are alone, they are exhilaratingly bizarre.

Because he knows that she’s attracted to him as well—and that she doesn’t want to be. They are like magnets, the way they are drawn to each other. And he’s well aware that she wishes there was a way to turn the magnets around so that they repelled instead. 

And yet she keeps trying to be his friend.

“Are you going to the party tonight?” she asks him as they walk to the mess hall together.

He doesn’t answer, but she knows that he heard her.

“Well, are you?” she persists. “Poe’s squadron is hosting. It should be…fun.”

Ben lets out a deep breath. “Do you really have fun at these parties?” he asks. 

“You know I don’t,” she replies.

“Then what in the stars makes you think I would?”

“It’s not about having fun or not,” she tells him. “It’s about being a part of the community. The music and the noise—I could live without both. But I go because this is my home now. These are my friends.”

“You weren’t like this when I first met you,” he says.

“Like what?”

She feels rather than hears him say it: a loner.

“I was, though,” she insists. “I was alone my entire life. Until Finn.”

A rare smile passes over Ben’s face. “Until Finn,” he says. “All the things that never would have happened until Finn.”

“I would still be alone,” she says quietly.

“And I’d probably be dead.”

She glances at him sideways as they walk. “So you’ll go to the party?”

“I’ll be there,” he replies. 

**********

Finn looks positively delighted when Ben walks into the party, rushing to his side so that he doesn’t feel awkward. She smiles at them, knowing how hard it’s been to create this friendship out of nothing but the will to make it work alone—and how grateful both men seem to be that it actually is working.

Finn pulls Ben further into the common room where the party’s being held and brings him over to the bar to get them both drinks, chatting with Ben as they go. The atmosphere in the room shifts as Ben walks through it, and he stiffens, even with Finn by his side. Jessika, behind the bar at the moment, is putting so much effort into seeming natural when Ben approaches that anyone other than him might think she’s actually glad to see him. She says something to him and Ben touches his hair awkwardly and stammers out a, “Thanks,” that Rey can feel even from here.

But he knows how hard Jess is working at chatting with him. He sees.

“You’re doing the right thing,” she sends to his mind. “The more present you are, the easier it will get.”

He glances her way, but doesn’t respond. Instead, he turns back to Finn, seemingly straining to hear what he’s saying. Then something even she doesn’t expect happens. Ben looks up at Finn in surprise and laughs. Actually laughs. His whole face changes when he does—a softer, easier to look at, side of him that she’s never seen before coming through.

“You know I’ve teased Finn before about how much he loves to spread his sunshine around,” says a voice beside her. “But he often actually does it. He makes things better.”

She smiles at him, basking for a moment in the warmth of his love for Finn.

“You two are lucky to have each other,” she tells Poe. 

“I’m lucky to have him,” Poe corrects her. “He’d be okay without me, I think.”

“Okay,” she says. “But not nearly as happy.”

Poe shoots her a grateful look. 

“Besides, who doesn’t want to be as madly in love as you guys are?” she continues. “No matter how much sunshine he has inside him, isn’t it better to share it with someone? To be in love?”

Poe doesn’t respond for a moment, and she fears that she’s allowed her emotions to become too raw—too easily seen by him or anyone else.

“Is that what you want?” Poe asks in a gentle voice.

She shrugs. “It’s what everyone wants,” she replies. “It’s just not what everyone gets.”

“Because you’re a Jedi now and you can’t?”

“No,” she says. “I told Luke from the beginning that I couldn’t live the way he does. That I want to use the Force for good, but that I can’t shut down my emotions.” She stops and thinks for a second. “I don’t even want to.”

“So,” Poe says. “If it’s not because you can’t fall in love, then why do you think it won’t happen?”

“Poe, if I wanted to, I could tell you every thought running through your head right now,” she says. “I don’t want to, though. I don’t want to know what you’re not willing to share—to take your thoughts from you.”

“I don’t want you to do that, either,” he says with a smile. 

“But you don’t understand,” she persists. “The closer the bond I have to someone, the more I can feel them. All of them. So to let myself fall in love would mean…”

“But how do you know that for certain?” he interrupts. “Have you been in love before?”

She shakes her head. “But I’ve shared a bond like that with someone before,” she says. Without even realizing it, her eyes shift to where Ben is drinking a huge cup of Hoth ice wine with Finn.

Poe’s gaze follows hers. “I’m sorry, Rey,” he says, his voice almost a whisper. “I didn’t know.”

She smiles at him again. “There’s nothing to know,” she tells him. “Nothing to do or undo. But it’s impossible to ask someone to get that close to you when they could be risking every private thought they have.”

Poe shifts uncomfortably. “We’re friends, though,” he says. “Does that mean you can read my thoughts?”

“I can get a sense of how you’re feeling, but not more than that,” she assures him.

“And with Finn…?”

“With Finn, I can sense much more than that,” she tells him, truthfully. “But I wonder sometimes if that’s because he’s so open about what he’s thinking and feeling to begin with.” She pauses, hoping she’s not saying the wrong thing. It’s so hard to tell sometimes. “Other times I think he opens himself up to me on purpose so I can get closer to him.”

Poe looks at her in surprise for a moment and then bursts out laughing. “That’s absolutely something he would do,” he says. Then he shakes his head. “I’m glad I’m not a Jedi,” he says. “I like him having to talk to me—to tell me everything.”

Her chest begins ache for some reason. “Yes, you two are perfect for each other exactly as you are.”

“But what about you?” Poe says, circling back to the one topic she was hoping that they’d put behind them.

“I’m fine,” she tells him. “Better than fine.”

But then she feels as well as sees Finn and Ben—one grinning from ear to ear, the other looking surprisingly at ease and even happy—making their way toward her and Poe, and wonders if that’s really true. Poe watches her face as they approach.

“I’ll try to be nicer to him,” Poe says to her. “For your sake.”

Finn takes Poe’s arm and instantly pulls him onto the dance floor, leaving her alone with Ben.

“Aren’t you glad you came?” she asks him.

He smiles at her, but it’s a bigger, more genuine smile than she’s ever seen on his face before. “I am,” he replies. “A very intelligent friend of mine insisted that I come, and it turns out she was right.”

The tension in her chest begins to unfurl. “She often is.”

He laughs again, but this time he’s close enough to her that she can hear it. She finds that she likes the sound of it—low and gravelly like his voice, but with a different note to it. Something lighter, even slightly goofy.

“How do you think this very intelligent friend would feel about dancing?” he says. “I mean, not just in general. With me.”

She listens for a moment and realizes that the song is a slower one—not something that would demand that they jump around like the pilots always seem to at these parties.

“I think she’d be okay with that,” she tells him. Ben’s eyes meet hers and she doesn’t have to think about how he’s feeling or why. She can read it on his face. He’s grateful, humbled, excited—all about dancing with her.

Ben holds out his hand, and she takes it. For all of the closeness of their bonded minds, she’s rarely ever touched him. He doesn’t seem like he knows what to do with her hand once he has it, but after some fidgeting, he weaves their fingers together and holds on tighter.

“I’m not sure I want this,” she whispers into his mind.

“I know,” he says out loud. “There’s no possible way you can be as sure about it as I am, Rey.”

They reach the dance floor and he slips his hand out of hers and lays it on her hip as they sway to the beat of the music. He carefully positions himself so that they’re not too close—so that she has whatever space she needs. Somehow that tiny gesture makes her long for him in a way she never has before. He’s done such terrible things. He’s trying so hard to be different now—to be better.

She leans into him, wanting to feel him pressed up against her, even if just for a single song. She’s more confused than she’s ever been in her entire life. 

“I’m not sure I want this,” she says out loud this time, her head on his shoulder.

“I know,” he says again. 

They dance together until the song ends. Then she walks away without another word—through the crowd, out the door, and into the cool night air.

She knows that he wishes she’d stayed and kept dancing with him. She knows that he wants to come after her to make sure she’s okay—and that he respects her too much to ever do it.

She’s just not sure she knows about anything else right now.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After the party, Ben seems happier--maybe even a little less tortured. FInn's terrbile jokes are helping...but so is Rey.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> “You seem better,” she says at last, her voice quiet.
> 
> “I am…better.”
> 
> She nods and takes a bite of her breakfast rations. She’d tell him how happy she is to hear this, but he already knows.
> 
> “Hey, I just thought of one.”
> 
> The moments in which he takes her by surprise are few and far between, but this time he’s managed to do it.
> 
> “You’ve got one what?” she asks. “A joke?”

“So what did you say to Ben last night that got him laughing like that?” she asks Finn at breakfast the next morning.

He shrugs. “I told him a joke.”

She and Poe exchange glances. 

“Okay, I’ll bite, buddy,” Poe says. “What joke did you tell him?”

“Why was the brand new Stormtrooper so eager to obey General Hux’s command?” Finn says, trying—and failing—to contain his grin.

“Why?” Poe asks.

“Because it was his First Order,” Finn says. “Get it? His First Order?”

She bursts out laughing, while Poe slowly shakes his head.

“You made that up yourself, did you?” Poe asks.

“Rey thinks it’s funny,” Finn says. “Don’t you?” He turns to her for affirmation.

“I just…I can’t believe you told Ben that joke,” she says, wiping a tear from her eye.

“That’s what Ben said, too!” Finn claims enthusiastically. “He nearly choked on his ice wine when I told him.”

At this inopportune moment, Ben himself sits down at the small table with them.

“What did I miss?” he asks, looking around at the range of expressions on his new friends’ face.

“Finn was just telling us the wonderful joke he shared with you last night,” Poe says.

“It was his First Order?” Ben says.

“That’s it,” Finn replies. “It was a good one, wasn’t it, Ben?”

She sees the flash of conflict within him—does he tease Finn like she and Poe are, or does he defend his friend.

“It was a great one, Finn,” he says, hiding his smile behind his coffee cup. “Best ever.”

Finn looks at him suspiciously. “It wasn’t that good,” he says to Ben. “You’re overselling it.”

“I don’t know,” Ben replies. “Rey seemed to enjoy it, too.”

“Are you kidding me?” she says. “I loved it. I’d agree that it’s the best joke ever except, I honestly don’t know any other jokes to compare it to.”

This causes Ben to laugh outright. “I don’t either, now that you mention it,” he admits. 

“Just two humor-less Jedis making their way through the galaxy,” she sends to him with a smile.

“Speak for yourself, Rey,” Ben tells her, equally silently. “I bet Finn can tell me more, and then I’ll be a humor-ous Jedi.”

He’s grinning at her—an expression she’s never seen on his face before. Somehow she can’t help but return the grin. That is, until she realizes that Poe and Finn are watching them closely.

“Well…” Finn says picking up his tray. “I’d better get moving.”

He nudges Poe. “Oh, me too,” Poe adds. “See you guys around.”

As always, they walk hand in hand to drop off their trays. But since it’s a weekend, there’s no need for them to part ways for the day. That doesn’t stop Poe from pulling Finn in for a kiss, though. 

“So, it really wasn’t that great a joke,” Ben says, making her laugh again. Everything about him seems lighter this morning—as if some corner was turned at the party last night and he’s suddenly able to be more himself.

“You must have been shocked when he told it to you last night,” she replies.

“I was,” he admits. “I started laughing, mostly out of surprise. Then I couldn’t stop.”

“Maybe it was the alcohol,” she suggests.

“Maybe it was Finn,” he counters.

“Or maybe it was just you.”

Ben shrugs. “All my life people have talked at me about the Light Side and the Dark Side of the Force,” he says. “It’s amazing to be around someone who chooses the Light so effortlessly.”

“That’s Finn to a T,” she replies.

He looks at her, his eyes suddenly serious again. “It’s you, too, Rey.”

She shakes her head. “I’ve struggled against the darkness,” she says. “You know I have.”

“But you’ve always beaten it down,” he says in her mind.

“And now you have, too,” she sends back to him.

“I’m trying,” he says out loud.

“You’re succeeding,” she says. “Maybe you should ask Finn to tell you more jokes.”

“Or maybe I’ll make some up myself.” The corners of Ben’s mouth quirk up.

“Now that I want to hear,” she tells him with a smile. “Ben Solo, comedian.”

“Don’t think I couldn’t do it,” he replies. “If Finn can make up terrible jokes, I can, too.”

“I do think you could do it,” she says. “And I do want to hear your jokes.”

Neither of them says anything for a full minute, but they don’t have to.

“You seem better,” she says at last, her voice quiet.

“I am…better.”

She nods and takes a bite of her breakfast rations. She’d tell him how happy she is to hear this, but he already knows.

“Hey, I just thought of one.”

The moments in which he takes her by surprise are few and far between, but this time he’s managed to do it.

“You’ve got one what?” she asks. “A joke?”

“Yes,” he says. “What do you call a soldier who gets lost in a blizzard?”

A slow grin creeps across her face—not because she can already guess the punchline on her own, or even because he’s being so open that she could read the answer from his head if she hadn’t already guessed.

“Tell me,” she says with a smile. He knows she had the answer from the get-go and gives her his silent appreciation that she let him have this small moment.

“A stormtrooper,” he says. There’s a hint of mirth in his voice that tumbles over and becomes an outright laugh. “I can’t believe I just told a joke.”

“I can’t either,” she says, laughing herself this time. “It was so bad it was almost good.”

“I’m going to come up with more,” he says with a smile. “To surprise Finn. He’ll love it.”

“He will,” she agrees. “You’ll make his day.”

Then the smile drops from his face. “Why is he trying so hard to be my friend?” Ben asks her silently.

“Because he’s Finn,” she sends to him. 

“He should hate me,” she hears in her head.

“Instead he forgives you.” She says the words, wanting him to hear them rather than just feel them.

Ben gives her a searching glance. “Do you forgive me?” he asks in her head.

“Say it out loud,” she tells him. 

He clears his throat, but his voice still sounds strained. “Do you forgive me?” he asks aloud this time.

“Yes,” she says.

Suddenly, she feels another presence in the room—another blast of the Force. Out of the corner of her eye, she sees General Organa watching them for moment. But then the general turns away and leaves the mess hall, not wanting to intrude on Rey’s moment with Ben.

“I do forgive you,” she tells Ben. “The question is, can you ever forgive yourself?”


	4. Getting by with a Little Help from Her Friends

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey seeks out Finn for advice on how to deal with her feelings for Ben--and gets some from Jess as well.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> “We were talking about Ben,” Rey says at last.
> 
> “You like him, don’t you?” Jess asks, once again completely taking Rey by surprise.
> 
> “I…um….”
> 
> Undeterred, Jess goes on. “It’s the hair, isn’t it?” she asks. “Dude’s got a glorious head of hair. If he didn’t scare the hell out of me, I’d totally run my fingers through it all the time.”

Since she’s returned to the Resistance base, Rey has found herself turning to her friends whenever she’s feeling perplexed about something. Poe knows the base inside and out, and constantly advises her on the people and customs of the Resistance so that she feels more a part of life there. But it’s Finn she turns to when her questions are less defined—or when it’s questions that come from her heart rather than her mind.

And her heart’s been going a little crazy lately.

The trick, she knows, is to find Finn alone. He and Poe are nearly inseparable during their off-time, so she has to wait—as patiently as she can—to find the right moment to talk to him.

When she finally finds it, she’s not sure how to even start talking about what’s on her mind, though.

So she sits on the floor in the corner of the room Finn shares with Poe and feels the worry coming from him as he sits opposite.

“Do you really want to talk?” Finn asks. “I mean, you said you do, but it doesn’t really feel like you do.”

“No, I…I want to talk to you,” she tells him. “I need to.”

“Then go ahead,” he says with a smile. “I’m all ears.

She looks at him and gives him a half smile. 

“Is this about Ben?” he asks.

Her eyes widen. “How did you know?”

Finn just smiles at her. “You guys aren’t as subtle as you think you are,” he replies. “The whole Jedi mind-reading thing is totally obvious.”

Rey takes that in for a minute. “You know I don’t try to read your thoughts, right?”

“You don’t have to,” he says. “I try to be as open as I can. You know, just as a general rule.”

“But you can tell when Ben and I are doing that? I mean, with each other?”

He snorts out a laugh. “Um, yes,” he says. “Sometimes you have whole conversations while Poe and I just sit there watching.”

“Hm…” she murmurs. “Well, then, what do you think?”

“About the fact that you’re crazy in love with him?”

“Did I say anything about being in love?”

“Did you have to?” he counters.

Her cheeks burn red. “Finn, do you ever wonder if you’re Force sensitive?” she asks.

“No, I really don’t,” he replies. “I don’t care if I am or not. I’m happy with my life the way it is. I don’t want to have to go off and train with Luke Skywalker of all people.”

Now Rey’s laughing. “It’s no joyride.”

“I can imagine,” Finn says. “And I’m guessing being in love with Ben isn’t either.”

The door slams open, startling them both. In the doorway stands Jess Pava. “Do you know what the Sith Lord just did?”

“I told you, Jess,” Finn says. “He was Knight of Ren, not a Sith Lord.”

“Whatever,” Jess replies. “The guy just told me a joke. About the First Order.”

Finn’s grin is wide. “What was the joke?”

“What do you call Snoke after he eats the whole base’s rations in one sitting?”

“What?” Finn asks.

“The Supreme Eater,” Jess says. “For real. The Supreme Eater. He’s been spending way too much time with you.”

Rey can’t help but laugh—at the joke and at Jess’s reaction to it. Jess notices Rey for the first time since she walked in the door. “Is there a reason we’re sitting on the floor?” she asks, closing the door behind her.

“We’re just talking,” Finn says cautiously. Jess doesn’t get the hint.

“Awesome,” Jess says sliding down next to him. “What did I interrupt with the Sith Lord’s joke?”

When neither Rey nor Finn answers, she looks them both up and down. “Does this mean we were actually discussing the Sith Lord when I came in then?”

Rey looks at Jess for a long second or two, wondering how to answer that question. Jess has always struck her as true blue—what you see is exactly what you get in the best possible way. So Rey knows she can trust her. And maybe it would be good to get a less biased opinion than Finn’s.

“We were talking about Ben,” Rey says at last.

“You like him, don’t you?” Jess asks, once again completely taking Rey by surprise.

“I…um….”

Undeterred, Jess goes on. “It’s the hair, isn’t it?” she asks. “Dude’s got a glorious head of hair. If he didn’t scare the hell out of me, I’d totally run my fingers through it all the time.”

Rey is laughing despite herself. “He does have good hair.”

“Have you touched it?” Jess persists. “And, what other parts of him have you touched? I want gory details.”

Rey is laughing so hard she has tears in her eyes. This seems to be happening more and more often to her. 

“No, I haven’t touched his hair,” she tells Jess. “I haven’t really touched him much at all.”

“I get it,” Jess says. “You’re playing the whole unrequited love thing like Finn and Poe used to.” She leans back against the wall. “It didn’t work for them, and it’s clearly not working for you either. The Sith Lord’s head over heels for you.”

“I think so, too,” Finn injects, not even bothering to correct Jess this time. “He talks about you constantly.”

“And he can’t take his eyes off of you,” Jess continues. “So it’s a win all around. Smoldering eyes, good hair, and he has the hots for you.”

“It’s not that simple, Jess,” Rey tells her.

“I know,” Jess replies. “He fucked a lot of things up. I get it. But that doesn’t mean he’s going to keep fucking them up. Or that you can’t give it a try.”

“And how do you propose I do that?” Rey asks, genuinely curious.

“Grabbing him and kissing him would work,” Jess replies.

“Or at the very least, having conversations that aren’t all in each other’s heads would be a start,” Finn suggests. “Talking to Poe…it’s one of the best parts of every day. Just hearing his voice, telling each other what happened while we were apart.”

“Talking’s okay,” Jess interrupts, rolling her eyes. “But kissing’s a lot more direct. And fun.” She pulls herself up off the floor. “It’s time for dinner. We can keep talking in the mess hall.”

“But not about Ben,” Finn warns.

“Of course not,” Jess says she waits for Rey and Finn at the door. “Your secret about the Supreme Eater is safe with me.” She gives Rey the once over again. “You two are totally going to be the scariest damned power couple in the galaxy.”

Finn wraps a sympathetic arm around Rey as they follow Jess out into hall. “I thought the Supreme Eater joke was pretty good,” he says. 

Rey starts laughing despite herself. “Me too,” she says. “Me too.”


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey finally seizes the moment with Ben. He uses his words, she uses her lips--and wonders why in the world they didn't do this sooner.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> They break apart, breathless. “I don’t know why we didn’t do this before,” Rey says. “Kissing is amazing.”
> 
> Ben lets out a ragged laugh. “So you haven’t done this? I mean with anyone else?” he asks.
> 
> “No. You?”
> 
> He shakes his head. “I only wanted to be with you,” he says in her head.
> 
> But now it’s Rey shaking her head. “Talk to me, Ben,” she says. “I want to hear your voice when we talk.”
> 
> “I only wanted you,” he says, his voice shaking. “For so long, Rey.”

Rey sits silently picking at her dinner as the others talk and laugh. Even Jess seems more at ease with Ben tonight. She calls him the Supreme Eater more than once. He doesn’t seem to mind at all. Rey senses a new nickname coming on.

But still, she doesn’t have much to say.

Finally she pushes her tray away from her. “Will you come with me?” she says, looking directly at Ben.

“Okay,” he says, his voice cautious. 

No one else says anything. But as Rey picks up her tray to go, Jess mouths the words, “Touch his hair!” to her. Rey doesn’t know whether to laugh or cry, so she does neither. Instead she buses her tray and waits for Ben at the mess hall door.

When he joins her, they walk away together without saying a word. 

He’s worried about her—she can tell immediately that he is. He wants to hug her, to comfort her, but he doesn’t want to make her feel uncomfortable. 

This is driving her crazy.

Rey stops in her tracks. 

“Is everything okay?” Ben asks her.

“Have you forgiven yourself?” she asks him, not for the first time.

He takes a deep breath. “I’m trying, Rey,” he says. “There’s a lot that needs to be forgiven. But I’m trying. That’s what you want, right?”

But instead of answering, she pulls him closer to her and kisses him with a ferocity she didn’t know she had in her. He stiffens in surprise, but then deepens the kiss. 

He wants her so badly. She wants him, too. 

Rey reaches up and runs her fingers through his hair as they kiss. It really is kind of glorious.

Then voices reach Rey’s ears and before she has a moment to pull away from him, she realizes they’re not alone in the passageway anymore.

“Oh, excuse me,” says a voice she knows all to well. The other voices disappear, and footsteps retreat down the hall. “I didn’t mean to….”

General Organa begins to back away as well. But then she stops and turns to her son. 

“Ben, do you really think…?”

Rey and Ben both know what question is hanging in the air: do you really think this is a good idea?

“I do,” Rey says after a moment of silence. “I think it’s the best idea I’ve had in a long time.”

But the general’s not looking at her. 

“Mom, I would never hurt her,” Ben says. “I’m just…I’m trying to make my life into something…better than what it was before. I know I don’t deserve that….”

His words hang in the air.

“Ben?” General Organa’s voice cuts through the silence.

He looks up at her. 

“Of course you deserve a second chance,” his mother says. “All I’ve ever wanted is for you to have a normal life. A happy one.”

“Rey is my second chance,” he tells the general. 

She looks to Rey for confirmation and finds it there without any words being needed.

The general’s eyes fill with tears. “Just try not to tear the universe apart,” she says with a sad smile. “Between the two of you, you could do some serious damage if you wanted to.”

Rey laughs. “Jess says we’ll be the scariest power couple in the galaxy.”

The general raises her eyebrows. “Remind me to give Jess a promotion,” she says. “Damned intelligent young woman.”

General Organa walks down the passage, away from them, saying as she goes, “As you were, you two.”

Rey and Ben face each other once again. “I think that was a direct order,” Rey says. The relief on his face would have been comical if she wasn’t so relieved, too.

She steps closer to him. “So, I think this is where we were.” She kisses him again, dragging her fingers through his hair once more and then running her hands down his back and up under his shirt.

“I don’t know why we didn’t do this before,” Rey says. “Kissing is amazing.”

Ben lets out a ragged laugh. “So you haven’t done this? I mean with anyone else?” he asks.

“No. You?”

He shakes his head. “I only wanted to be with you,” he says in her head.

But now it’s Rey shaking her head. “Talk to me, Ben,” she says. “I want to hear your voice when we talk.”

“I only wanted you,” he says, his voice shaking. “For so long, Rey.”

She kisses him again until they’re both laughing and out of breath.

“Come with me,” she says taking him by the hand. 

She leads him to her room and closes the door behind him.

“Want to hear a joke?” she says.

“Always,” he replies, wrapping his arms around her.

“What happens when you go on an adventure with Ben?”

“What?” he asks.

“You get to fly Solo.”

He looks at her in disbelief and then doubles over onto her shoulder. “That your first time, too?” he asks.

“It’s my first time for everything,” she says. 

They put all joking aside, and kiss again, trying as they do to lift and pull at each other’s clothes. 

Rey has a passing thought as she runs her fingers through his crazy hair again to remember to tell Jess about touching it in the morning. But she’ll be sure to leave out how all of the rest of him feels.


End file.
